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 On the way to a place I must to go, without any thinking.....I just wanna be free ...and maybe be happy. I saw a big land... there are so many sunflowers. Wow...how could I say..? Suddenly, I was in an unusual light-hearted mood... It's my favorite flower. I remember I always wish to see amount of sunflowers but there is no chance to see it. I feel so stressful in my life. Maybe there is no reason why I am unhappy or maybe there are some reasons....I just never admit all the reasons...because I am Maggie...hum...it's pretty hard to move on....but I have to...... I feel like I have lost something very important since long time ago....I just couldn't figure out what it was...and how important for me... When I look into my deep mind...I saw a person..that's me...I stay there alone without any talking ... no emotion ...can't feel anything....I don't know why I close my heart and stay alone for so long........ I ask myself...Can I ? Should I ? How to get through this? "I know I can't know; I know I can't see; I know I can't feel; I know I can't do it"...real answers?? In fact, there is only one point...I am stuck in the past and the infinite pain. hum...I am exhausted. so exhausted... just a few seconds, I wanna lose my breath..stop and stare..just take a walk down the road..the road I've been up and down..No one even being there .. Just old feelings I have found...till now, I have closed the only one door to my heart... I lost the key... Now, I feel like eveything is just mere illusion... can't trust; can't believe; can't own; can't ... I can't be loved that's the only conclusion. The only real thing is I have to be strong and move on. I am gonna move on...after pain or every rejection there comes a new inspiration. yeap..I feel bad for myself so I swallow these tears of disgust. keep going on my way...I wish oneday when I get through it, there is bright sunshine shining into my eyes and warming up my cold heart. I am not scared...I am just feeling so helpless. Anyway, just take the airplane to go somewhere...I will be fine.....I will be happy. I wanna control my life.. not be controled by life.
Maggie, cheer up...and be stronger than usual... Remember, you are a happy girl. PS.hum... 오빠...Thank you for everything you have done for me...
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